are you in your peak husband hating era?
Most couples don’t notice how their relationship is transforming until we feel the pinch.
We tend to wait until things feel unmanageable before seeking support - whether that’s coaching, therapy, or even an honest conversation with each other. And by then, it’s not just one problem we’re dealing with. It’s the accumulation of unspoken expectations, invisible norms, and years of adapting ourselves around a system that was never designed with equality in mind.
In this week’s Equal-ish episode, we spoke to psychotherapist Sarah Fishburn-Roberts about the real differences between therapy and coaching, when each one is needed, and why so many couples get stuck long before they can name what’s happening. The themes from this conversation connect powerfully with what research tells us about modern family life — particularly the pressure points that hold couples in place.
Introducing the squeeze: our peak husband hating era
Economists have a name for one of the toughest phases in a couple’s life: “the squeeze”. It’s the period when we have young children, home responsibilities (childcare and domestic load) peak at the sacrifice of our careers and leisure time.
Particularly for women, this squeeze has a very specific economic impact. When the home load peaks, women’s income growth slows, while their partner’s continues to climb. Women are investing greatly, but the investment is happening at home, not in their careers.
Men are doing significantly more than they would have seen their fathers do, the challenge is, it still doesn’t compare to the number of hours that women do - and their time is primarily spent in childcare over housework.
AND, we are all investing significantly more time in “present parenting” than our parents did. Which is why we’re so much more exhausted and have so little time for ourselves.
Today, couples sense this happening but didn’t plan for it to be this way and often can’t articulate why things feel so conflicting. They feel stuck.
Which is exactly why this conversation with Sarah is so important.
One of the biggest myths is that therapy is “a last resort” and coaching is “forward-looking” and simple. The reality is far more nuanced.
Therapy is often needed when couples are stuck in reactive cycles — disconnection, repeating arguments, emotional distance, breaches of trust, unresolved trauma, or the seismic identity shifts that happen early in parenthood. As Sarah describes, therapy helps couples understand the system they’re in: the unspoken contracts, the patterns, the emotional triggers, the attachment wounds being replayed without awareness.
Coaching, on the other hand, works beautifully when couples are functioning but struggling with the context: the societal norms, gendered assumptions, mental load disparities, career pressures, and the practical mechanics of building a team.
Listen now to our Equal-ish episode with Sarah Fishburn-Roberts, to find out why so many couples settle for the status quo.