is Christmas Mum’s Domain?
Oh Christmas. The most magical time of year… except for the stressed-out mums trying to create that magic on their own.
As parents, we want Christmas to feel joyful and magical for our kids. We want to build new traditions, pick the gifts that make them squeal, and spend time with loved ones in a way that feels warm—not stressful. But creating all of that is often the hardest job of the year. And while the expectations and financial pressure seem to grow every December, our cultural belief that mums should be the ones to “bring the magic” grows right along with it.
Think about the Christmas films you’ve seen—or even your own home. Mum cooks the turkey and trims the tree; dad hangs the outdoor lights and carves the meat. Mum wraps the gifts and hands them out; dad follows behind with the bin bag. It’s a familiar script… but one that doesn’t have to continue.
What if you redefined the magic this year? What if the Christmas load (mental, emotional, and practical) could be shared more fairly? Not by doing more or striving for a picture-perfect holiday, but by sharing responsibility and joy without overwhelm or guilt.
The truth is, Christmas starts long before 25 December. The festive season requires a blend of physical labour (wrapping, cooking, decorating), cognitive labour (tracking calendars, organising gifts, planning school events), and emotional labour (making sure everyone feels thought of, loved, and included). All of this gets squeezed into a few intense weeks—on top of our usual workload. No wonder so many mums feel the Christmas mental load creeping in as early as August.
Personally, I can’t even think about Christmas until mid-November after we’ve survived family birthdays—yet I already feel behind. I haven’t booked Santa. The kids haven’t written their lists. I don’t have a single gift idea for grandparents. I haven’t ordered presents, planned visits, booked pantos, or sorted New Year’s Eve. We missed out on Snowman tickets again for the fifth year in a row (they sold out in July!). The overwhelm hits before the season even starts.
And here’s the kicker: mums often keep hold of Christmas because we believe we have to—because if we let go, it won’t be done “right.” But what if being equal-ish this Christmas meant being radical in the simplest way?
Invite your partner to create their own version of the festive magic.
It might look different. It might be a bit messier. But it gives you a real break—and it brings in new forms of joy you didn’t have to produce yourself.
This year, start your Christmas planning not with a list, but with a conversation. Ask your partner and kids:
“What are your top three most enjoyable moments of the Christmas holidays?”
Build your plans only around those. Assign full ownership—not just tasks—for the mental load of the moments that matter most.
If connection with extended family is in your top three, take the lead on organising family time in a way that works for everyone. If choosing thoughtful gifts is your favourite part, own that for every person you need to buy for. Then divide the kids’ top three moments between you. And whatever’s left on the list? Ask whether it truly needs to happen this year.
At the end of the holidays, reflect as a family on what you loved most, and one thing you’d do differently next year. This helps grow traditions intentionally—and you may even find your kids want a job of their own next time.
Because sharing the Christmas load isn’t a one-off task-split or a fairness spreadsheet. It’s teamwork. It’s communication. And it’s an evolving partnership that grows a little more equal-ish every year.