The Invisible Workload: 5 Ways to Share the Cognitive Labour
When we talk about gender equality at home, most of us picture chores. Who’s cooking, who’s cleaning, who’s putting the bins out.
But sociologist Dr. Allison Daminger reminds us that true balance goes far deeper. It’s not just who does the work — it’s who thinks about it.
In episode 8 of Equal-ish, Allison explains the concept of cognitive labour. This is the mental project management that keeps families running. We talk about why 82% of women hold it, even in otherwise equal partnerships.
The four stages of cognitive labour
Anticipating what needs to be done
Researching the options
Deciding on a course of action
Evaluating how it went
These four cycles are happening constantly across every area of family life — and they’re invisible unless we name them.
Five ways to share the mental load
1️⃣ Define what “equal-ish” means for you.
Equality doesn’t mean identical, it means mutual fairness across work, caregiving, and rest.
2️⃣ Be aware of how parental leave shapes patterns.
The longer one parent is home, the more they learn, not through instinct, but through repetition. Plan early to rebalance when you both return to work.
3️⃣ Share domains, not chores.
Give each partner full ownership of a domain from start to finish — including the thinking, monitoring, and follow-up.
4️⃣ Check in weekly.
Use the “four buckets” (anticipate, research, decide, evaluate) to make invisible work visible and prevent resentment from brewing.
5️⃣ Challenge the barriers that push dads out.
Invite fathers into the parenting networks, playgroups, and conversations that so often centre around mums. Gender equality at home starts with inclusion.
The truth is, you can split the chores and still be unequal.
The next frontier of equality is mental.
When we share the thinking — not just the doing — everyone wins.
🎧 Listen to the full episode: Equal-ish
📚 Read more from Allison Daminger: What’s On Her Mind? The Mental Workload of Family Life